Friends! I can barely believe it’s been well over a month since we’ve gotten to talk. I’ve missed you guys! I was was down for the count with a case of the flu which became the gift that kept on giving when it turned into pneumonia, which caused intense complications with the asthma I was diagnosed with as a little girl. Thankfully I don’t even have to think about things like inhalers, medications, and breathing treatments most of the time because that pesky asthma rarely gives me problems anymore, but then there are times like this past month when it gets the best of my body and I find myself struggling to draw life into my lungs.
These past few weeks I found myself gasping for air, coaching myself through the moment by saying things like, when I can breathe fully again, everything is going to be okay. When I can go a full day and not feel like I’ve been hit by a freight train, everything’s going to be okay. Just hang in there. It will all be okay soon.
I’ve gotta to be real - that moment where I couldn’t walk up the stairs because my lungs felt clamped shut? Not my finest, that’s for sure. When I woke up gasping for air in the middle of the night? I was basically paralyzed with fear. Not being able to breathe is absolutely terrifying.
So one day in the midst of one of those moments where I could barely inhale and I was trying to find peace in knowing that it would pass and everything would be okay soon enough, the Holy Spirit breathed truth into me that was more nourishing than a lungful of oxygen could have been:
Everything's not going to be okay because everything is already okay.
At first I snorted to myself, thinking, well, isn't that a sweet little churchy quote? Is everything really okay if I can't draw in a full breath? But the more I pondered it, the more I was hit smack in the middle of my gut with some serious, humbling conviction.
I realized I’m quick to tell other people everything is already okay because Jesus has won. God has declared us his daughters, his ambassadors, his girls...but when I was in the thick of it, how easy it was for me to stray from this truth. How easy it was for me to cling to the fear of never being able to draw in a full breath again. How easy it was for me lay awake out of fear that it could be my last night on earth if I had an asthma attack gone wrong. How easy it was to let go of God's comfort and trade it in for worry. How easy it was for me to let the truth fade away...
In other words?
I forgot that everything isn’t going to be okay because it already is. Even when the world feels like it’s crumbling. Even when it feels like the air has been sucked out of the room. Even when everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong?
Emmanuel - God is with us.
And because of that, everything is already okay.
It’s the truth I’m consciously choosing to remember right now in the face of so much heartbreak, so much uncertainty, and the heaps of what feels like unending suffering that permeates this world.
I pray you are well, my sweet friends, and that you find peace and freedom in knowing that everything isn't going to be okay.
Because it already is.