Let me be the first to say it: I definitely don't have it all figured out. Sorry to throw that out there without a spoiler alert, but it just needed to be said before we could go any further.

Truthfully, there was a time in my life when admitting I wasn't perfect would have put me in the corner breathing into a paper bag. I was trapped on the hamster wheel of pretending I had it all together. I was miserable. I never wanted anyone to ever see me slip - or even worse, fall on my face. I played a part in my own life so long I didn't know where all the parts I played ended and my true self began.

In short? I was a mess. I was just too afraid to admit it.

It wasn't until I fell in love, had my heart broken, and hopped on a plane all alone to fly to Paris did I realize something that changed it all:

When we admit we aren't perfect and are instead, desperately needy for God?
That's when the real adventure begins.

And while I may not have everything figured out, that's totally fine - because I know the God who does.


 

I used to live in constant fear. Gripping fear. I knew all too well just how unperfect I was and I lived in a state of dread that someone else would figure it out, too. My way of dealing with the fear was to try to be all the things for all the people. I never wanted to let anyone down, ever. I was a yes kind of girl. The thought of saying no to anything anybody asked of me sent me into an inner tailspin.

Not that you would have known about the inner battle that raged inside of me on a daily basis just by looking at me or anything. I walked around with a perma-smile stretched wide across my face Miss America style in an attempt to cover up the insecurities that held me hostage. The truth was, I wouldn't really let anybody close enough to me to see the disaster I believed I was on the inside. My friends only knew a fake version of who I was which made me feel insanely lonely. I was desperate for someone to know and love me for me. 

And that's when I met him. For him, I was willing to take the leap of finally letting someone see that I wasn't perfect after all. And before I knew it, I was head over heels in love. It seemed like my life was unfolding like something out of an old fashioned fairy tale. I had never been happier in my life. 

Until one ordinary summer afternoon, my heart was crushed into a million shards when I discovered the man I loved wasn't who I thought he was at all. I felt gutted - in one bitterly agonizing moment, all of the dreams I had for my future had been destroyed. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I didn't know my place in this world. In a bid to regain footing, I knew I needed to go to the place where I felt most like myself in all of the world - Paris.

So I boarded a plane to France to put an ocean between my heart and the man who broke it. Little did I know my life was about to change forever.


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As I walked down the uneven cobblestone streets, sipped decadent coffee in sidewalk cafes, and prayed my way through the ancient churches of Paris, God began to whisper truth into the broken, aching, tattered pieces of my heart - truth about who He is, truth about who I am, and truth about my place in this world and how I could bring glory to His kingdom.

I explored the city, experienced adventure after adventure, and was romanced by God in a way I never had been before. God wooed me and comforted me. He poured love into my heart and I began to understand for the first time how loving and tender He is. He didn't want me to try and be perfect. He wanted me to admit that I was needy and desperate for His love. And I began to see that even though my heart had been broken, God still had plans for me - good plans, better than anything I could fathom. Two weeks later I returned home completely transformed, and more confident than I had ever been before - because now, I knew my Father's heart. 

I never would have expected that fourteen days could have changed me as drastically as they did, but that's the thing about life - we never know what is just around the corner.


 

I don't know where you may find yourself today - I don't know your emotional state, your phase in life, your career path, your relationship status, or your bank balance - but I do know that all shall be well. 

I never would have asked to have my heart broken the way it was, but now I see how God used the love I felt for that man to awaken a dormant desire inside of me to be completely and totally loved. I thought the love I felt for the man who broke my heart was what I was searching for but really, I was searching for the deep love of of God. It was necessary for my heart to be broken to let His love all the way in. 

It's in that confidence that I encourage you to hang in there, sweet sister. We have no idea what joys today, tomorrow, or next week will hold. God is in every step of this crazy thing called life with us. So let's tightly cling to Him and embark on the adventure of being His beloveds together. 


 

I hold a B.S. in Apparel Merchandising, Design, and Production Management {which is really just a fancy way of saying fashion} and a M.Ed. in Counseling and Leadership. I spend my days working + creating as a counselor and writer for various publications, devotionals, and blogs around the world wide web. I have the tremendous privilege of helping women just like you experience freedom and growth for lives filled with authenticity, grace, and peace as a certified life coach and member of the Biblical Coaching Alliance.

 
  • I'm a crazy dog lady! I'm head over heels for my Pomeranian named Bailey Cinderella. {Yes, that's seriously her name!} 
  • I love Paris more than any place else on earth and would move there tomorrow if I were gutsy enough - and if I spoke better French! 
  • Gilmore Girl marathons in my PJs, along with a cup of hot tea, makes the world go round.
  • I'm an avid reader and am usually reading more than one book at a time.
  • I love flowers but cannot grow them to save my life.
  • I'm not artsy, but I like to pretend I am and have a blast playing and making a mess with paint, colored pencils, and glitter.
  • I am wild about God's Word. Steeping myself in His Word has transformed my heart completely.
  • I'm a people-loving introvert.
  • The beach - well, any water, really - makes me feel alive. 

 

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